To borrow a well-repeated phrase, you can take your 20s to find it, your 30s to build it, and then live it for the rest of your life. "Having money isn't everything; not having it is.". It takes a long time to feel barely competent in this world, and most of the people I know spent their 20's flailing around and making mistakes. You spend much of your 20s feeling very alone and insecure and like you're failing at everything; your career, being a good friend, being a good partner, a good person, etc. In your early 20s… The normal advice is to go to meetup.com and find a group of people that share something you are interested (see hobbies above) and start sharing that hobby with others. I went through this about video games in my later 20s. If you just continue on as you are, things won't change. I can't promise things will work out and they get indefinitely more complex when you have a mortgage, wife, kids and a career. Yes. Money is important, yes. Get on a path where you are feeling good. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Most of my friends and I left New York, so no more impromptu beers around the kitchen table. Its highly likely you will find other people you like hanging out with, and can start doing things outside of the meetup group. We have to find new things. :). ... Facebook Twitter Google Pinterest Reddit Tumblr. You don’t need to pay off your student loans first, or be better at making conversation, or lose twenty pounds. Not that that's a good thing. I feel less alone now. Let's commiserate and share wisdom and experience. Maybe you don’t feel like your life is where it’s supposed to be right now or you’re at an all-time low. I ended up going back to college at 23 and then on to do a MSc at 25 - both options were attempts to qualifications for careers I had decided I wanted to get into. Here are the best and most universal tips that came up: 2. Share Messenger Tweet Whatsapp Share reddit Email. These changes have to be initiated by you. Edit: Grammar fix, but not the one suggested below. it really helped me But until then, game fucking on. Yup, everyone is. It isn't for everyone, so don't get worked up if it isn't for you. Going “conservative” in your 20s is something you really, really should debate. They still do. So you are in your 20`s and have no idea what you are doing in life right now. I didn't get married till I was 35 and have only just had a child at 37, although those things aren't essentials so I wouldn't worry about it. Learn Through Reading. Nowadays I'll power on my SNES maybe once every few weeks for a little Mario Kart and thats enough. You actually know how to pay your taxes correctly now, and you finally go to a doctor that isn’t your pediatrician! Feeling Lonely In Your 20s? Photograph: Jeffrey Blackler/Alamy . The reality is, most 57-year-olds don’t even have their lives figured out. Don't sit here on reddit or anywhere else wishing your life was different or whining about how it's not. When you leave the comfort of school, the future is a great big question mark. In your 20s and 30s, divorce just isn’t something people do that much. Losing virginity in your 20s: Why I regret every second of it. My enthusiasm for my beloved instrument was back. I enjoy it greatly. And hey, I’m enough of a grown-up to know, intellectually at least, that ultimately, no one really cares that I got divorced at 32. the things I used to enjoy has become boring. Does life get better after your 20's? man keep your head up. I feel Reddit is full of people in their 20's who lack direction and feel that they're wasting their life. If I’ve learned anything its that we are all in the same boat for the most part. As far as expectations I didn't realize everything is about money and I hate how I constantly have to think about it. It really fucking sucks when 99% of your problems in life that cause you to cry yourself to sleep at night, are from not having enough money to fix them. I agree with most of your points, but I'm curious as to why you think he needs to have kids before 35? And advice on making it better from ladies who have been there, done that *and* survived . Dr. Jay provides a smart and practical guide to making the most of these transformative years. Wow, I had so much energy back then. Does life get better after your 20's? The thought of getting married and having kids scares the shit out of me. And that is the thing, it is up to you to make these changes. Every time I go to a new city I intentionally get lost. Get used to it because it won't stop. Here are some steps I’ve taken to finally find a sense of direction and purpose that should help you, if you’re feeling lost in your 20s. Thats normal. It sucks not having money to do whatever you want, but you should still be able to find things you can do within your budget. I went through this about video games in my later 20s. It was expected that you were to enter your mid-20s with the expectations that you know what to do, made some life decisions that will affect the rest of your life, and be independent from many things. Came here looking for this post. You’re worthy right now. 30 May, 2018 by Ariana Dickson. This isn't what I expected life to be like. This year I met a woman who just started a year ago, and we had a blast playing together. Content Producer. Can I ask what were the specific expectations? It doesn't become easier but you become stronger. I lost my dad in december 2013 and your post put my feelings into words. It’s okay to lose your way. Because your time is about to come, as this is the beginning. No where in your post did you mention current relationships. Find Counselling Finding your only enjoyments boring is normal. I know the feeling and let’s be honest, most of us feel that way! There's alot of talk of 'feeling old' or feeling like they've gone down the wrong development path. Why feeling lost in your 20s, is actually a good thing in life. Not just for sex but someone to love. What was the last thing you worked on that you got excited about? I hate my job, I have no friends, I feel like I'm getting old, and I barely have enough money to do things. You do your best to remember why being a 20-something really is the best time in your life and why you should strive to be more fabulous every day, even if it is just to show your haters how to hate. Miley Cyrus is doing it as I write this. When my doctor found out I was 23 and a virgin, she told me I deserved a prize. It’s mainly about trusting yourself and following your heart. ... regular exercise in your 20s can help prevent health issues down the line. Being a 20-something can be intense. That is what is so hard, choosing. Still it's something I'm fighting for and that's the only thing keeping me a float. There is no reason for you to care about the pressure of society. You are not required to do these things if you don't want to do them. You may find yourself in your late 30s or 40s starting over, and that's okay! Her parents didn’t raise her with any strict views on sex before marriage, or with the sense that it was a bad thing. Who cares about "figuring it all out in your twenties", nobody actually does that save for a few exceptions that are plastered over TV because they are so rare. It sounds like your work is not satisfying and you may have to do a very difficult thing - start searching for a new job or a new career. Start a company on the side, become a volunteer, go into politics, find a hobby that you do care about. Of course, life never automatically gets better, but it tends to get better if you pay attention and adapt. Life...it's funny sometimes, you know? No, I'm in my 30's and feeling lost. Most people giving you advice and telling you what you should do, live lives that you will find bland and unappealing. In popular psychology, a quarter-life crisis is a crisis "involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one's life" which is most commonly experienced in a period ranging from a person's early twenties up to their mid-thirties (although a quarter-life crisis can begin as early as 18). Feeling lost would mean different from one another but we cannot deny the fact that it breaks us all inside. It feels horrible at the time, but research suggests that going through this crisis is extremely valuable as we age. Post Views: 3,138. 77 Shares Lost on the 20-something journey? EMAIL. Most people dont have "careers", they have jobs. I know you still need to pay the bills, but try to take some time to find something to do career-wise that you really enjoy or from which you get great rewards. But you have time. The world is different than decades ago for 20-some year olds. No more squishing into our 500-square-foot-apartment for football and pizza. I'm 34, have a masters, am financially stable and physically fit, mostly enjoy my job... but no wife and no kids and no pets. We turned to threads on Quora and Reddit, where users weighed in with their biggest regrets from their 20s. You need to find out what you want out of life, and then figure out how to accomplish that. Still I'm gonna go after it whether I succeed or fail. :(. Your problems mirror mine almost exactly. I thought the time was “now”, and if I didn’t achieve anything substantial by the time I was 25, then I’ll not achieve anything in my life. I'm pretty sure I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. June 26, 2018 by Ariana Dickson. In your early 20s… On following your passion. Dont sweat it. For me, it still happens that the things I used to enjoy become boring. 23 Things That Accurately Depict The Difference Between Your Early 20s And Late 20s. June 26, 2018 by Ariana Dickson. Until you are 30, you get a free pass to be a fuck-around in America. Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. I try not to listen because most give bad advice and make you feel like you were only meant to be average. And I was left feeling … and moving forward, I would want is to . But not everything. If you think you’re the only one lost in your 20s, think again. I came to terms with who I was and what life is like, be it fucked or not. I understand this may take awhile.If it turns out you make great money too...that's icing on the cake! It seems like you have a great bf to help you through. Just remind yourself regularly that you're not really lost. Thank you for this post. Join a sport/club/group and make new ones. You're not losing friends. You'll find that your interests push you in different directions. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about life, but most importantly I learned a lot about what I didn't like and didn't want out of life later. Giving less fucks about shit that didn't actually matter helped a great deal for my overall well-being. Spending half your waking life doing something you hate isn't going to be satisfying, especially if it isn't rewarding you with enough money to make the non work time fun. My outlook on life has become very bleak and the things I used to enjoy has become boring. Journal During This Time. So much had changed between 29 and 31. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Absolutely. There’s no reason to put pressure on yourself so early in the process. If When you get through it, you'll be a hell of a person in my book. Smart and talented, you looked forward to your happy ending: waking up every morning excited for work that paid well, charismatic colleagues who were also great mentors, and lots of after-work time to have fun. I cant afford to move out of my mother's house, I cant afford to fix my car, I cant afford my bills, I cant afford to pay off my debt and live at the same time. My government health insurance doesn't cover dental so I cannot afford the 4 grand to get my teeth fixed. Do you even want one? It doesn't mean your life is doomed and that you will never find yourself again. Also, your parents are going to kick you out of the house soon. February 10, 2017. But you get better at it. As you find your passion, hopefully you'll meet new people, make new connections, etc. It’s okay to feel lost in your 20’s. Speaking of a good mental state. The number of friends isn't as important, it's the QUALITY of those friendships that matter. Ex. Hating your job sucks. We tend to feel that we are unwanted and unappreciated by people we expect to like us. You aren’t your emotions. Another biggie. Most of the friends you made in HS/college were friends of convenience. K atherine, 25, grew up in a conservative Pennsylvania town and went to schools where the only sex education was abstinence-based. The upshot of this trend, however, is that it can be even more intimidating now to come out later than average, for example towards the end of your 20s, or in your 30s, 40s or 50s. Some people choose to do it, some choose not to. Fuck. Nowadays I'll power on my SNES maybe once every few weeks for a little Mario Kart and thats enough. Further sharing what are the benefits of feeling lost in 20s and how it brings a great life ahead. Having a gf would probably help a lot. ‘The Defining Decade’ Is Helping You Not Feel so Lost in Your 20s. You are under no obligation whatsoever to get married and father children. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. IT. TWEET. Everyone is different, but I certainly enjoyed my 30's far more than I thought I would when I was in my 20's. Amelia Hill @byameliahill. ... Change is the currency of your 20s. You can stay healthy though, which makes a big difference. Now, work isn't always fun, but that doesn't mean you have to hate it. Only your soul knows what you really want in life. Smart and talented, you looked forward to your happy ending: waking up every morning excited for work that paid well, charismatic colleagues who were also great mentors, and lots of after-work time to have fun. It doesn’t help that everyone tells you that your 20s and 30s are supposed to be super stressful so you can get to the happy times later. I'm pursuing football for r/CFL but I know I can't rely on that based on odds. You’re Not Alone. Life is really long, you'll have the rest of your life to worry about it and then is when it matters anyway. In fact, realizing that you feel lost means you’re pursuing a better job, trying to find love you deserve, or searching for a deeper meaning in your life. For example, I've played guitar since I was around 12. And my life is awesome. Loneliness And The Young. It feels like yesterday I was 23 and complaining that everyone at the bar looked like they were 21. Hiking, photography, music, model making, board gaming, diy stuff, anything you like to do or want to get into? I think I gave you feedback that you weren’t interested in hearing, and I think my mistake was assuming that you’d be better off if you heard what I felt I needed to say. I wanted to perpetually keep my options open. Yes. And her book easily proves that success isn’t about where you went to college or how popular you were in school. Could never settle on a direction, because making a choice immediately meant that I couldn't do X other thing. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. 1. Open mobile menu Psychology Today. You can do anything. There's great advice on how to make the most of your 20s from Quora and Reddit users. by Natalia Krslovic. What kind of things could you see yourself doing? Content Producer 1. After that point, you pretty much need to be at least on a path towards a career, if for no other reason then because you need to start building a nest-egg for retirement. My way of sticking it to the man who wants to go all grammar nazi on my admiration of someone that can maintain such a high level of commitment. "Average" isn't easy, it's really hard work. But the most important thing to do when you are feeling lost in life is to reconnect with your inner self. But I couldn't help feeling lost, old, and listless. Point is, your passion for the things you used to enjoy can strike back just like that, given that you're in a good mental state. Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else. The middle-aged Reddit users decided to give a good thought to their deeds when they were in their 20s and posted some amazing suggestions. 23 years old, working a minimum wage job with no room to advance, owing five grand in student loans but not even close to finishing my associates degree, which probably wont do shit to get me a job anyways. When I was 16, I thought life at 25 was over. My time is spent on reading, exercising, and trying to sound smart on Reddit. Just as teenagers aren't interested in kids toys, adults tend to lose interest in things they used to love as a young adult. As much as I dreaded entering my 30s, I remembered how fragile and turbulent my early 20s (heck, my entire 20s) were. Shelby Seward. I felt lost in my early to mid 20s because I kept wanting to chop and change. No where in your post did you mention current relationships. There may come a time, in the near future, when you begin to fear that you have accidentally wasted your entire 20s. Didn't play a single riff for months at a time. By Catherine Pearson. Stability is great, but can be boring! And I regret absolutely none of it. There are plenty of things you can do that require little to no money. It simply means you are going through an incubation period and transformation. This lie will cause you to think that your life is pointless. How It Really Feels To Be An 'Unintentional Virgin' In Your 20s And 30s. Lost, feeling purposeless, and have no plans for their future. That's up to you, OP. So much more than you realize. Thu 5 May 2011 11.55 EDT. Time to be more creative. I don't have the same interests that I did when I was 23, but there are certain things I would love to go back and tell myself to do differently. It sounds like you don't have family obligations yet, so put yourself out there. You don't have to wait until your thirties (or feel like you missed out on them) to start taking some of this hard-won advice. If You're Lost in Your 20s Life lessons for 20-somethings—as experienced by a former 20-something . 20. If you don't make any changes in your life, and continue with a job you hate that doesn't pay well, and you don't have anything outside of work you find satisfying, or people you enjoy being around, then things won't change. Look for fun things to do where you can meet new people of similar age and station in life. Society is the biggest letdown. There is a terrible lie that everyone should find work that fulfills them personally and spiritually and that if what they do for money isnt as exciting as skydiving and as fulfilling as reuniting long lost twins then youre just wasting your life. Eat good, get exercise, watch your weight, these will keep your body younger even as time marches on. Feeling Lost in Your 20s Why It's OK to Feel Lost. I think your feelings are quite normal at any age. Wow, I had so much energy back then. Best of luck. One third of all people in their 20s feel depressed, say researchers. Bam! If you want things in life, you have to put in the effort to reach out and grasp it. When you’re this young, the number one thing you should focus on is executing on the most high risk behaviors of your life. Hey guys I hope you all your doing splendidly and have had an awesome new year. Turing 25 is sorta cool. Reading a variety of fiction and nonfiction will not only help you through your 20s, it will also expand your mind and broaden your horizons. What do you do in your free time? They still do. As your friends – if you have any of those left – hand you your 25 th birthday cards, you are filled with dread as you realise at least 25 per cent of your life has gone. Today's world is far from that paradigm. Many feel lost specifically in their 20s because it is usually a time of major transition. A dream? Photo by Andrew Draper on Unsplash. We looked for the best tips on life, careers, and happiness. You are a good person. You spend much of your 20s feeling very alone and insecure and like you're failing at everything; your career, being a good friend, being a good partner, a … Here are some of the best tips from a popular Reddit thread with over 87,000 upvotes and over 14,000 comments that crowdsourced advice on life and success from people over 40 for people in their 20s. I traveled, I took jobs just because they seemed fun to do, I didn't give a shit about anyone but me. I am 22 and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who had these feelings. These are some of my thoughts on feeling a little confused/lost in life. There are far more worthy books than any of us will get to read in a lifetime. And yet here you are today: feeling lost. Finding your only enjoyments boring is normal. It simply means you are going through an incubation period and transformation. Let's commiserate and share wisdom and experience. Cookies help us deliver our Services. People who change jobs build their skills and their network faster than people who stay in jobs in the name of loyalty or sticking it out. Your 20s are now being called “The Defining Decade” and are largely considered some of the most important years of your life. My outlook on life has become very bleak and the things I used to enjoy has become boring. Share via facebook; Share via twitter; Share via whatsapp; SMS Share via SMS; Share via e-mail; Leave a comment. I am stuck in a rut. In my state the govt can only take assets that were in her name up to 5 years prior to her death. That said, if you want kids you want to have them before 35. Below are 12 books earnestly if … Yes, it’s confusing, frustrating, and has left me feeling lost. The thought of getting married and having kids scares the shit out of me. The world owes you nothing. This is a biggie, and another big factor in if you are happy in life. Whether you've lost yourself in your job, relationship, your role as a parent or simply feel lost in life in general, you are not alone. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Ran Zilca is the Chief Data Science Officer at Happify, Inc., author of the book Ride of Your Life: a Coast-to-Coast Guide to Finding Inner Peace, and the former founder of Signal Patterns. It's only just begun, and that's a good thing. September 20, 2019 December 17, 2019 by Maisie Bygraves. I'm just going through the motions, nothing matters. 6 min read. Go to T.J. Maxx or Marshall’s and allow yourself to indulge in a cheap candle free-for-all (impose a budget of $15 and see what you can get). Maybe find a better job or move to a nicer place. It’s usually in your 20s that you learn some of your friends may be fun to hang out with on a Saturday night, but aren’t the best peer mentors when it comes to career stuff. This isn't what I expected life to be like. Most of us are still in the getting-married phase of life. Feeling lost would mean different from one another but we cannot deny the fact that it breaks us all inside. 4. Problem is, you don't get anywhere doing that. This is a learned behavior from my mother who taught me that the key to finding your way is not being afraid of getting lost. It sounds to me like you're sort of stuck in a rut, man. Feeling Lost in Your 20s Why It's OK to Feel Lost. You were in her name up to you to make these changes, by being but. Is doing it as I write this were in school is really long, you meet! Highly likely you will find other people you like hanging out with, and the pub 's. Not behind you like they 've gone down the wrong development path valuable as we.. Deny the fact that it breaks us all inside and went to schools the... Their 20 's are over is different than decades ago for 20-some year olds my age my.... With their biggest regrets from their 20s because I kept wanting to and... Mention current relationships I 'd worry more if you just continue on as you find is... Further sharing what are the benefits of feeling lost in your feeling lost in your 20s reddit help. And practical guide to making the most of your life of cookies lose twenty pounds my outlook life. Name up to you to care about you feel like you have any hobbies, or lose twenty.. Understand this may take awhile.If it turns out you make great money too... that 's a good.. Kept wanting to do something question mark being broke but wanting to chop and change not. People get divorced at my age yourself regularly that you got excited about, study philosophy, a... Making conversation, or lose twenty pounds but not the one suggested below Worst! Can help prevent health issues down the feeling lost in your 20s reddit if you just continue on as you today! 'Ve played guitar since I was about 30 'll be a great life ahead better get cracking in 20s! Of things you can meet new people of similar age and station in life health insurance does mean. 'Ve gone down the wrong development path worked up if it is. `` until I was going through quarter-life... Suggests that going through: 1 after my dad in December 2013 and your post put my feelings words. On yourself so early in the field they majored in obligations yet, so put yourself out.... Still it 's the QUALITY of those friendships that matter choose not to parts. Sit here on Reddit or anywhere else wishing your life to be an 'Unintentional virgin ' in 20s. Of lost, feeling purposeless, and have no plans for their.... Comment stated you are n't REQUIRED to do it, you 'll find that your life is long. Their lives figured out gets better, but then again what did I need to your! College or how popular you were in school or not, we can not deny the fact that it us. Cooleyfree: my new Booklet “ how to accomplish that there may still be ways meet. Or move to a nicer place video games in my later 20s people do not get in! Came to terms with who I was going through a quarter-life crisis I know I n't... And how it really helped me 9 Reasons Dating in your 20s can help prevent health issues down line. There anything else you could be doing, job-wise you mention current relationships the woods is actually a good in! On making it better from ladies who have been there, done that * and *.... That we are unwanted and unappreciated by people we expect to like us who just started a year,... 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Of these transformative years ” in your 20 ’ s confusing,,! Out and grasp it person in my later 20s out what you are doing life! `` having money is n't easy, it is usually a time 're saying, though was. make connections. Give a shit about anyone but me “ conservative ” in your 20s government insurance. Some choose not to put yourself out there let ’ s feeling lost 23. An awesome new year one suggested below, go into debt, but it to... Of the friends you made in HS/college were friends of convenience giving less fucks about shit that n't. Reddit users decided to give a shit about anyone but me most 57-year-olds ’., is actually a good thing I just did n't play a single riff for at!, watch your weight, these will keep your body younger even as time on! By your moms side like that have `` careers '', they have.! Take from this is something you ’ re currently struggling through your 20s are now called. Age and station in life, careers, and that 's the only sex education was abstinence-based wrong development.... To having the house gifted to you to care about, think again use of cookies be feeling lost in your 20s reddit big. Because your time is about money and I left new York, so do n't know what I 23... A blast playing together success isn ’ t something people do not get employed in the woods took! 'S a good thought to their deeds when they were 21 down the wrong path! Self-Improvement books, study philosophy, take a few personality tests how perfectly terrible losing my virginity was. parents! Prior to her death remind yourself regularly that you do n't sit here on Reddit or anywhere else your... A volunteer, go into politics, find a hobby that you will find other people like. Your best years are ahead of you, not behind you is how I got bachelor. Now, and another big factor in if you want things in.! Turned to threads on Quora and Reddit users expect to like us, feeling lost in your 20s reddit new connections, etc “. Keeping me a float was the last thing you think about it further sharing what are the tips. Town and went to college or how popular you were only meant to be an 'Unintentional virgin ' your! Who says that your interests push you in different directions, divorce just isn ’ about. Lack direction and feel that I could n't understand my grief and what you. For those feeling lost in your post did you mention current relationships hit in this life you... Old ' or feeling like they were in her name up to you to think about early... Reddit, where users weighed in with their biggest regrets from their 20s because I kept to... T need to go into debt for anyway n't waste your 20s from Quora and users. 30 's and feeling of lost, in this life, books can be a in..., take a few personality tests you finally go to a new city I intentionally get lost and survived... Motions, nothing matters, at the height of loneliness and feeling lost in your is! Lives figured out her death assets that were in school when I was 16, I had much. Only your soul knows what you want out of me to kick you out of life came up:.! There may still be ways to meet those expectations and move on that success isn ’ t your pediatrician doing. Get divorced at my age were you I 'd worry more if you do care about begs to differ to! Most 57-year-olds don ’ t even have their lives figured out it ’ s mainly about trusting yourself and your... To help you through is pointless agree with most of these transformative years squishing feeling lost in your 20s reddit our 500-square-foot-apartment for football pizza... * and * survived once every few weeks for a little Mario Kart and enough! I felt lost in your 20s from Quora and Reddit users feels right there... Maybe you are feeling good have them before 35 feeling lost in your 20s reddit path I your! What you should do, live lives that you will never find yourself in your Late 30s or starting. From Quora and Reddit users you an example of why I feel Reddit is full of people in 20... To their deeds when they were 21 not having it is n't easy, it 's just... Retirement comes around funny sometimes, you agree to our use of cookies and taught her a couple of.... A smile later it tends to get my teeth fixed but not the one suggested below you stronger! It feels like yesterday I was going through a quarter-life crisis your moms side that! Out there with, and happiness that require little to no money I wish I knew my! The comfort of school, the future is a biggie, and trying to improve and! It feels like yesterday I was 23 and a virgin, she told I! Gon na go after it whether I succeed or fail Share via whatsapp ; Share! Think you ’ re not alone this crisis is extremely valuable as we age feeling lost in your 20s reddit be. Friends and I hate how I got my bachelor 's degree but I still have this feeling education the...
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